At times, the usual moment

the crooked man

2008-10-20T21:43:06Z

I held you in my lap today, even though you're way too big and careless with your claws. I made sure you had your favorite toy and many treats. I let you out for a long bask in the sun on the porch steps.

And then i drove you to the vet's, and held you, and petted you, and watched the life fade from your eyes.

I failed you, my friend. I couldn't heal your ailments or ease your discomfort. I'm so sorry.

I hope you are with Maggie, and Shadow, and Tiva. With Dmitry, and Stitchy, and Serena. I hope your spine is straight now, and your legs are strong, and you can run, run faster than anyone. I hope you can jump over anything.

I'll miss you so much, crooked man.

Today, it's not about me.

2008-03-26T17:20:06Z

It's about Will, my friend Annie's son.

Will is now twelve years old. He has Down's Syndrome, fairly severe autism, hearing problems and a bad heart. And he's one of the sunniest, happiest people i know.

He's only semi-verbal; his partial deafness on top of everything else has made it very tough for him to learn to speak. He signs a bit, though, and is pretty good at finding ways to get his point across.

Also, he's incredibly creative. When he was given the standard battery of tests, his mental age was placed at about 5 years. He may never learn to read or write (beyond a few simple things, such as his name). But i think there's much more to his intellect than that dry quantification.

Anyway, the other day i met his bus from school, because Annie was out of town. Took him for a ride in my car, and he discovered my camera in the glove box, figured it out in about 5 seconds, and started taking pictures. When I was relieved of duty by his older sister Lily, i let him keep the camera and arranged to pick it up the next day and download the photos. When i did, i was astounded.

He shot in two distinct series: a series of textures, which makes sense for an autistic child; and a series of shots of his feet in different places. They're planned and arranged shots, (he posed some of the stuff) which makes them amazing. There are some random shots as well.

I've made him an album in my Photobucket; here's the link, if you're interested: http://s230.photobucket.com/albums/ee315/mausdriver/Will/

And here's a self-portrait of the artist, because i can and i luffs him....

justice.

2007-12-11T13:09:28Z

So, Michael Vick got 23 months. And lost about $200 million, in salary, endorsements and other stuff. And, likely, will never play as quarterback again. But is it enough? Dunno.

One of the folks at all_macros kind of summed up my feelings on this:

thanks to i_iz_normal.

I honestly hope his dreams are haunted for the rest of his life.

try, try again

2007-12-03T16:19:19Z

because i is teh stubborn one...

Whew...

2007-11-23T12:44:44Z

I am EVER so grateful that days like yesterday don't come along very often. So, I bottomed out. I was bummed because I didn't hear from the Vman.

So what?

This is the life - I'd better get used to it if we're gonna stay together. I know he loves me - I should, since I've practically memorized his last email, which was as affectionate and reassuring as it could possibly be - unless someone not-Vinny had written it, lmao. I know he would've gotten through to me if he'd had the chance; he knows I worry about long silences, and it's been two and a half months.

So I sucks it up. I'm a big girl. Just forget that from time to time. *grin*

ONE MORE DAY TILL I GETS TEH SAUSAGE! YAY!

dorkdorkdork.... dor...

2007-11-20T15:53:55Z

Did my first gym session with the trainer last night, and feel as if I'm in touch with EVERY ONE of my muscles for the first time in quite a while. Because they're all talking to me, quite loudly, and refusing to do anything without a fight. I'm stoked about it, actually - waking the lazy bastards up and putting 'em to work - getting fit and strong and ready to kick major butt when the Vman comes home.

My awesome boss, Jack, is really going to town on behalf of my adoptees; is publishing an article in the mag this week, allowing me use of his store as a dropoff point and setting up a fund for shipping costs. He so rules. I'm keeping a list of donors, so I can thank them all in the mag as well.

Hoping the Vman will contact me this week. Last year he managed to get through on Thanksgiving, even if for a limited time. I'm staying by the computer all day if possible; don't want to miss him if he's able to get online.

And that's it. Another day in the boring, dorky life.

Henry Rollins was right....

2007-11-19T19:30:50Z

There is no satisfaction quite like outbidding some poor geek on Ebay and winning the thing THEY wanted by one measly cent!!!!

But, of course, who WOULDN'T want a pair of knee-high combat boots? Know I loves 'em...

See? http://i8.ebayimg.com/01/i/000/bb/6c/7c7a_1.JPG

Pick up Sausage on Saturday - yay!!! Shelter and I decided it would be less traumatic for him to wait until after dogs I'm sitting go back home. Less stress on me, too. But I can't wait to pick his cute lil' butt up!

you know you're sick when...

2007-11-16T19:30:02Z

Shit irritates you inordinately. Like 5,000 revisions to work you're doing when you're sick and should be in bed. Like new posters to your favorite comm, who are probably sweet and well-meaning, but just piss you off with their vomitous poetry and i'm-so-fucking-sweet bullshit. And, of course, the fact that they can't be bothered to follow the rules... Like the fact it took you 20 tries to change the theme on your journal.

I'm not fucking fit to speak to, hee hee. But I know I'm not dying, because my appetite's not affected. *sigh* I'm almost NEVER that sick...

the solution...

2007-11-15T14:53:55Z

75 farkin' days without word.
444 farkin' days gone.
574 farkin' days since I've been laid.

I'm losing patience here. This STUPID FUCKING WAR!!!!!

If women could only get along and work together, we could end this thing like yesterday. After all, we control the most potent weapon there is.

Can't guess? Duh!

THE PUSSY!

We could have the troops home immediately if every wife, girlfriend, mistress, whatever, went to her mate (saving us, of course, with our guys deployed) and said, "Bring 'em home or no more pussy." I'm betting maybe a week before the guys start shipping out of Iraq. Or wherever else they are. Because we really do have that power. We just gotta stop the infighting and wield it.

I'm ready when you are. No one can stop us - what guy would have the balls to face down thousands of pissed-off, sexually frustrated women?

Hey, Laura - you first!

sleep

2007-11-14T00:59:12Z

Can't. keep. eyes. open. Head soooooooooo heavy. To bed, then. You too, Mizzz Thing!

the benefits of deprivation...

2007-11-13T21:29:06Z

Just returned from a 3-day media fast (god, I love that term) in Belleplain State Forest. Very cool; rented a heated (hey, it IS almost winter) hut. No electricity, no furniture, no phone, no light, no motorcar, no computer. And no people. Really, NO PEOPLE. Well, the first night (Sunday) there was one other family 3 huts down. But after that, NOBODY. Just lil' old me in a 3,000-acre forest. Was it scary? Weellll, maybe a little when it was late. Forests make mysterious noises. Pretty sure I heard coyotes last night. Or wolves? Dunno. Don't think there are any wolves in Jersey.

After being so immersed every day in the computer, TV, phone calls, networking, power lunches, the whole frantic electronic pseudo-world we've constructed for ourselves, it's really a bit of a culture shock to get utterly away from the lot, have nothing to do except get up when it's light, build a fire, eat when you want, read a bit, write a bit, walk around, and.... think. Which may be what the pseudo-world is all about avoiding in the first place.

At night, sitting close to the fire, watching the sparks spiral upwards towards the canopy, there is no sound except the crackle of the fire, a birdcall or two, a squirrel in a nearby tree. Complete peace. And very fuckin' dark, too. Wish the bathhouse wasn't quite so far off; may end up peeing next to the cabin tonight.

Wish I could've stayed longer. Like, a year or so. Come back from the wilderness having grasped the MEANING OF LIFE or something equally earthshaking.

Got back, bills in the mail, desk piled high (probably; can't face that till tomorrow), 18 emails. None from Vinny. *sigh*

insomnia...

2007-11-10T20:56:21Z

Wake up with dried tears on my face again. A habit lately; and always around 3am. Lying awake in the slough of the night, with all my better sensibilities on hiatus, covers uncomfortably twisted around my hips and the dog twitching in her sleep.

I think of you, but in this dark time, I don't really believe I'll ever see you. I can't believe in anything at 3am, with these stiff salt-trails on my cheeks and nothing to reach out to for comfort.

I'm not hungry; I'm not homeless; I'm not unloved. I know I'm more fortunate than many. I know you want to be here. But in the black trough of insomnia, all the joy seems a distant blur, a painting with colors long faded to nothingness.

The most hurtful thing you can say to another person is "I don't believe you." I can never tell you about this.

And sometimes, in the deeps of the night, that hurts most of all.

...and the items are...

2007-11-08T01:14:21Z

17 cans stew (actually assorted stuff - Spaghettios, chunky soup, chili, ravioli, etc.)
8 cans peaches
2 jars of peanut butter (one smooth, one chunky, of course)
24 jars of applesauce (no, I'm not a maniac. They're the little snack-size ones)
1 80-count container of baby wipes
3 bags assorted hard candy
2 bags orange slice candy (the Sgt. asked for it specially - bet the others don't see a bite of it)
2 boxes Christmas cards with envelopes, so the guys can send 'em
5 lined notepads for writing letters
2 boxes of #10 envelopes, for mailing same
1 50-count box of pens, for writing same
6 chocolate-flavored protein bars
1 can opener - just in case
4 movies on DVD
12 pairs of white socks
Not one, not two, but THREE Santa hats (and if you've seen Jarhead, you'll know why)
1 disposable digital camera - because I want to see their grimy little faces

...and that's it. Just one 45-lb. box. The stockings are going separately.

my first dorky letter

2007-11-07T19:44:38Z

7 November 2007 14:33

Dear Sergeant ---------------,

First and foremost, THANK YOU. Thanks for being there and for making the rest of us sleep better at night, knowing you're on watch.

OK, now I got that outta the way… Hi! My name's Doree, and I was given your name by the Adopt-A-Marine program. Lucky you. I signed up because 1) what you Marines are doing is so tremendous, and it's such a crummy place to be; and 2) because my man, who is also a Marine, has an MOS that doesn't allow me to write him or send him stuff, and I got tired of feeling impotent. I'm a graphic artist and I
live near Cape May, New Jersey, in a tiny cottage with a woodstove.

I can't imagine what it's like over there, except for insights gained by reading veteran's stories and watching movies. But I know how much it sucks to be away from your loved ones and everything you know. It sucks bigtime. All I want is to maybe make it a little easier for you and your guys, and to let you know that somebody back home remembers you, admires you, is thinking about and praying for you.

Don't take it the wrong way, but I love you all. For your courage, and your commitment, and your willingness to lay your lives on the line.

In this box you'll find some things I hope you and your fellas can use. I'm sure you'll share it with each other. Wish I could've sent you all iPods, or something else very cool - you so deserve them. But maybe this will be some help.

Please share this letter with your guys. I feel like I should take care of you all. My man is a Sgt. Major, and he's instilled in me, I think, some of the father-feeling he has towards his guys. I'm sure it's the same for you.

And please write back, when you get the chance. It would be so great for me to hear from you and your men. Maybe, then, I wouldn't worry about my guy so much. I'll be a good penpal, I promise.

Here's my contact info:

blah blah blah....

Please take care of yourself, and be safe. We who are left behind appreciate you, and miss you, and want you to come home.

Semper Fi!

Doree.

PS In the box is a one-use digital camera. I want pics! Figured this kind would be easiest for you. I'd love to see your faces…

just when you decide things are as weird as they're gonna get...

2007-11-07T15:07:39Z

...you stumble across news items like this.

Crime-fearing female pedestrians in Tokyo can soon protect themselves with fashion designer Aya Tsukioka's skirt that opens into a realistic-looking (except made of fabric), full-size vending machine that she hopes thugs will pass right by. It's one of several fanciful crime-avoiding creations of the genre that Japanese inventors are noted for, according to an October New York Times dispatch. Another, the "manhole bag," resembles a sewer covering when laid on the ground but can hold a person's valuables, again provided that the thug passes it up. Yet another is women's wraparound sunglasses that are extra-dark so that even shy, eye-contact-avoiding females can stare unobserved at potential perverts in trains to guard against the ubiquitous groping. [New York Times, 10-20-07]

And this...
As several sightings were made around Washington, D.C., of dragonfly-looking bugs hovering in the air at political events, government agencies were denying that they had released any tiny surveillance robots, according to an October Washington Post investigation. "I look up and I'm like, 'What the hell is that?'" asked a college student at an antiwar rally in Washington. "They looked kind of like dragonflies or little helicopters. But ... those are not insects." Several agencies and private entities admitted to the Post that they were trying to develop such devices, but no one took credit for having them in the air yet. [Washington Post, 10-9-07]

WTF is the world coming to, I wonder wonder wonder. And then, I wonder some more....

o no, not again....

2007-11-06T16:17:07Z

The worst. Nightmare. EVER!!!!!!!

And if I don't get it out and on (virtual) paper, it might just make me into a non-sane critter....

Dreamed I was working upstairs at the office, as usual, and got a call from the shop downstairs that I had a visitor. Went down and it was Vinny, wearing his utilities. Well, I was, naturally, so stoked to see him, but curious, 'cos I knew (in the dream) he wasn't supposed to be home yet. I went towards him and he put out his hands and stopped me from coming near. And his face was so serious and sad, with these huge thousand-yard stare eyes. I said, "Baby, what happened?"

And he said, "I got shot." Then blood spurted from his mouth and he fell dead at my feet.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.....

Needless to say, not much sleep after that. I'm OK; know it was just a dream and all that; but this annoying little voice in the back of my head keeps saying, "but sometimes they come true, you know" - and I wish I could just pull that little fucker outta my head, kick him 5 or 6 or 27 times.

But I'm OK. Really. Honest.

time.

2007-11-05T15:04:00Z

64 farking days.

and that's all I got t'say about that.

sadness

2007-11-05T12:17:32Z

seriously. i get depressed when shit i like gets destroyed just because of a few stupid people. world can be such a big, dumb, mean place, why do some feel like they've gotta add to it?

we don't ALL think we should act like the assholes on jerry springer. REALLY. now one of my favorite places to turn when i'm down has been tainted and lessened by bullshit. so i grieve.

well, one good thing. maybe i'll keep up with my handwritten journal better. i was slacking off, having so much fun cruising the comm i neglected it. and it's important to keep it up - maybe the vman will want a serious laugh and read it someday.

blech.

My boys.....

2007-11-04T15:59:41Z

Just went CRAZY at the grocery store and the Big Lots, getting stuff for my Marines. It's gonna be a BIG box, lmao! I'm getting very excited about this - finally, a chance to DO something!!

Tomorrow, when I go to work, I'll get to see what my co-workers got - I've enlisted them to help. After all, a whole platoon makes for a pretty long list, lol. Just have to pick up a disposable camera or two, and I think I'll be ready to go!

x-posted to militarylove

Big Work

2007-11-02T14:49:56Z

Yeah, sadly, one o' those days where I have to really buckle down, put my nosey to the grindstone and crank pages. Book's due end of day today. *sigh* Funny how sometimes I can concentrate like mad, and sometimes (like today) I'm like the A.D.D. poster child. Ah well.

Rules

2007-11-01T12:14:59Z

Ah, if I was the Empress of the Universe (because I hear Queen's already taken, lol), I'd have to come down with my big broom and make some sweeping changes. Some rules, to make this planet a kinder, more sensible, rockin' kind of place....

War:
All wars would be conducted using paintballs, not lethal rounds. Military units would train the same way, but would not be required to die or be maimed. Team sizes would be determined in advance. Wars would be restricted to a limited number of battles, and would take place in agreed-upon areas, so as not to disturb the civilian population. At the end of each battle, "casualties" would be counted by category (personnel, vehicles, structures) and the team with the highest count would win that particular battle. The team winning the most battles would then be awarded victory in the war. Then we could have a cool parade and after-party.

Religion:
All this sectarian bullshit would be banished. Religion would be based on two words: God Is. Or, optionally, replace the word "God" with whatever you'd like to define a controlling force in the universe (besides the Empress, of course). No more Jesus, no more Allah, no more Buddha, no more wars over who is right. That's all man-made crap; all God needs is to be recognized as a controlling force in the universe. Period! Personally, in terms of a new name for God, I like Divine Engineer.

Politics: Let me not get too much into this. Besides, I think once the above two rules are in place, this will level out a LOT. But, one more thing, I think: Any person wishing to run for public office must meet MINIMUM income requirements. NO MILLIONAIRES!!!!! Because they don't have the interests of the people at heart; but the corporations. Nuff said.

WTF?????

2007-11-01T00:33:06Z

Come home all tired from working 9 hours, then throwing candy at children for another 2 hours, get online, no email from Vinny (as usual, sigh), go to see what's happening in my favorite community, and....

WTF???

GONE!!!! Like it never was. Was it nuked?

Man, I didn't save any of my entries. I am seriously tweaked about this. Sucks!!!!!

Red-Faced

2007-10-30T21:48:07Z

Ah, there's something particularly embarrassing about being late to a meeting, then have it turn out to be a meeting to tell you you're getting a raise...

Well, I wasn't THAT late. I ran hard. And the raise is a good thing. Way good. Now I can buy more shit for my adoptees....

A New Project... Joy!

2007-10-30T12:08:17Z

Got my Adopt-A-Marine info today! He's a Sergeant, so I get to send goodies to all his guys too! Yay!

Hope the Vinster isn't jealous, hee hee. I'll email him today and let him know I'm doing it. Just wanted to be able to do SOMETHING; his MOS won't allow me to send him letters or boxes, so I'm feeling like I'm missing out. Is that dumb?

x-posted to militarylove

All I Need.... continued

2007-10-29T18:36:50Z

I don't really require much. All I need is my man. And a soundproof suite with a trapeze. And a Do Not Disturb sign for like a week.